Inquiries
Frequently Received Correspondence
Is the Office of Golf Standards real?
The Office has been asked this question since 1895 and continues to find it hurtful.
I received a citation. Am I in trouble?
Administratively, yes. Legally, no. Socially, that depends entirely on your group chat.
Who reported me?
Complainant identities are sealed under § 31.2 and may be disclosed only upon receipt of a properly filed counter-complaint. The Office notes, however, that you were playing with three other people, and only some of them laughed.
How do I know whether I have violated golf standards?
You know.
Has an appeal ever been granted?
The Bureau of Appeals maintains perfect records and a perfect record.
Can I have someone cited in another state?
The Office maintains field offices in all jurisdictions where golf is played poorly, which is all jurisdictions. Files travel with the offender.
How does the Office deliver its correspondence?
Cotton letterhead, official seal, United States mail. The Office predates email and intends to outlast it.