Seal of the Office of Golf Standards
The Office of Golf Standards
Est. 1894  ·  Pace · Attire · Decorum

Petitions Division

Forms F-2(b) & E-5 · Paid Remedies · Outcomes Not Guaranteed; Documents Are

Cited parties who have exhausted the complimentary appeal (every appellant, immediately) may pursue the remedies below. Fees are collected at intake, as any court would. Each petition produces an official document regardless of outcome. The Office is candid about the outcome.

Formal Appeal with Written Opinion

Form F-2(b) · Bureau of Appeals, Sitting En Banc

Your arguments, considered individually and denied individually. The Bureau will issue a written Opinion on cotton letterhead, by United States mail, addressing each point you raise with the attention it deserves and the outcome it was always going to receive. Appellants report the Opinion is worth more than the relief sought.

The Bureau of Appeals has never granted an appeal and sees no reason to begin with yours. The fee purchases the Opinion, not the outcome. If the Bureau cannot produce an Opinion you find quotable, the fee is returned and the appeal deemed withdrawn.

Petition for Expungement

Form E-5 · Records Division · Committee on Second Chances (Convenes Rarely)

Upon receipt of Form E-5, the applicable fee, and a statement of contrition, the Office will stamp the public record EXPUNGED and issue a Certificate of Expungement. The record itself remains visible beneath the stamp; the Office never truly forgets. Expungement is void upon subsequent citation, and the Office finds there is usually a subsequent citation.

Expungement does not extend to the memory of your playing partners, over which the Office claims no jurisdiction, to its regret.

Petition for Disclosure (§ 31.2)

Who Reported You · Registry of Sealed Complainants

Complainant identities are sealed. Disclosure requires two things the Office does not expect you to obtain: a properly filed counter-complaint (Form C-1, from $7.99), and the written consent of the complainant, whom the Office will petition on your behalf. Where consent is declined, and it is declined, you will receive an official Denial of Petition suitable for framing beside your citation. The Office notes that you were playing with three other people, and only some of them laughed.